After reading Mari's post where she mentioned small talk, I got the inspiration for this post.
Why is it expected of me to say hello to every single person individually when I arrive to a group of people? Hell, I don't even like to say hello unless they're expecting me. If you only act a certain way towards people because you're expected to...does that mean you care more for them? Like, if I arrive and don't say hello to everybody, do I like them less? And if DO say hello to everybody cause it's the social convention...do I like them more?
If I work with a person that's indifferent to me, am I supposed to talk to him/her just because I see him/her everyday? What if we don't share any interest at all? What if they start talking about the great time they had the previous night dancing with his/her friends? I don't like dancing, I don't like to talk about dancing, I don't know his/her friends, I don't consider what he did fun...am I supposed to keep the conversation going? Am I rude if I just say "cool"? And that's being a hypocrite, cause I don't even think it's cool. Other way around, am I supposed to tell him/her (let's say they're a Graphic Design major) about how I ordered a programming book and started to learn a lot of new stuff?
Say I get into a weird situation where I have to give a ride to a friend's friend to his/her house. It takes 20 minutes to get there. Do I have to make small talk? Ok, it's uncomfortable to just sit in silence with a person you don't know, but I am PERFECTLY okay sitting in silence knowing I don't have to think about what to talk. I prefer listening to myself think than to listen to some dude talk about how they're in love with their partner (just an example).
If I go to the store and buy some chips (crisps for our UK friends :P, jk), and I bump into an acquaintance in the way back...do I have to offer some chips if I have already opened them? Am I wrong to think that if they really want some, they'll ask for some? But even worse, if I'm the acquaintance the other person bumps into, and they DO offer some chips, do I HAVE to say yes? What if I really don't want any?
If somebody walks in, and they're carrying 85 bags of groceries, do I have to offer assistance? Am I wrong to assume they don't need assistance cause they're not asking for it?
Ok, that's a lot of questions, and not surprisingly my answer to all these questions is: NO. I know I'm probably wrong in some of them, or maybe all, I don't really know, I don't really know other people's point of view of my actions...or lack of. But that's just my point of view towards these situations, I don't like socializing with people I barely know, or don't know at all. I don't like the idea of having a conversation that I know won't lead to anything interesting, or that I will ultimately think it's a total waste of thinking time. If I don't act like myself in these situations it's only cause I don't want to assume the other person will find it interesting or maybe they share my point of view.
Being that as it may, I will answer if you ask me something, I will probably ask you some basic stuff so I at least know if there's hope for a real conversation, I will give you chips if you ask me for some, I will give assistance if you ask for it. I just don't like to assume what people thinks or feels.
It can also mean that I'm really shy and very lazy.
On a kind of related topic: Don't ever send me to the store to bring you something "sweet" or something "refreshing" or whatever I get...if I go, I want to know EXACTLY what you want, and what to get if they don't have what you told me, cause I will not improvise and will not assume you like something just cause I do. Same goes for movies, there are seldom any movies that I just go out and recommend to everybody I know, I just don't know your tastes in movies, so I don't know if you will like it or won't...I will tell you that I liked it or that I didn't, but that's it.
Of course this applies to people I don't really know, or that I lost touch with ages ago. That's just who I am, and I don't like to talk about it to people that don't think this way, cause they will not understand. But if I do know you very well, then go ahead and socialize with me :D
8 comments:
My feelings exactly! Why is it consider to be rude when you are not hypocritical? I think society should value honesty more. And honestly, saying hi/bye to everyone like it's a big celebration is a bit much. How about a smile? doesn't that cover it? UGH
lol and how are you supposed to know if they will be interesting people if you never talk to them? See the thing is, if everyone was like you, this society wouldn't function. No one would talk. no one would make new friends. Because the way you put it, if you don't already know someone, then you are not interested in talking to them.
The reason most people do this, I think, is to feel like they are working in a human environment. I mean, otherwise, you are just doing a task, and that is all. Human interaction, makes work bearable, for most people. And you will never get to the interesting topics without treading over some nonsensical small talk. Realistically, you can't just start talking to people randomly about deep, "interesting" topics.
Helping others, well, it gets old to have to ask for help every time. People should try to be helpful. Who wants to carry 85 bags of groceries on their own if it can be done in half the time or less?
Offering some of your "crisps"(lol), I don't even know what to tell you there. That's a problem? That's probably the easiest "small talk" ever. If you don't want to share, say so lol but that is odd.
And silence with a stranger. Well, if you don't feel comfortable in silence, then you do need to talk. So I don't really follow you there. If you don't want to talk, then silence should be ok with you.
i dont think i've ever made a friend doing small talk, it's usually starts with a common interest that leads to getting to know each other and interesting conversations....you don't need small talk....there's no need to fill every silence second with talking....im sure there's people that like to do small talk and thats fine, they should do it if they like it...but they shouldnt expect EVERYONE to enjoy it and call them rude or whatever if they dont enjoy it.....and sergio was talking about the assumptions and how it is ridiculous to assume everyone will just get up and help or want to talk to you about nothing just to pass time and so on...people are diverse and for some reason, society tries to mold everyone into the extrovert mold and if you dont fit then there must be something wrong with you....i think not
@Chuy I'm glad not everybody is like me, cause indeed, society wouldn't function, but it is wrong for everybody to assume that we are all like that.
That's what bothers me, the assumptions, for society to think that we all have to act or react a certain way towards certain events.
@Angie Awesome, I'm not the only one :)
@Sergio - yeah, it is. We shouldn't assume that. But at the same time, how are we supposed to know the difference between someone that doesn't like talking and someone who doesn't want to talk? And someone who IS being rude? Or doesn't like you.
That's the issue I think. That these 2 positions, are indistinguishable. A rude person that doesn't like you, so they don't say hi, and the introvert. You can't tell them apart....
@Chuy You have a very good point, it is hard to tell the difference, and I think a little effort can be put from both parts, like if I don't keep the small talk going, don't label me as a rude person, and on the other hand, for me not to try and be so cold or abrupt with my answers. Though I can see how it can be difficult to achieve.
Yeah, I know what you mean. It's very hard for me to even come up with small talk.
Post a Comment